UKOTM – November 2007

October 19th, 2007

Introducing The Utilikiltarian Of The Month: Bill Trankle

How old are ya…?
37

Where are you based?
Indianapolis, Indiana

Where were you born?
Honolulu, Hawaii

What do you do to pay the bills?
Organic Chemist in R&D at a pharmaceutical company

What kilts do you own?
2 Originals – let’s face it, they were the cheapest to start with, but I have become a complete convert and will be ordering more!

Tell us about the exotic or mundane places you have traveled in your kilt:
Exotic and mundane all at the same time: Walmart in Indiana—like being on safari, and the irony of being snickered at by Walmart’s clientele is not lost on me.

However, the most “exotic” place I have been in my kilt is Mission Hospital in sunny Mission Viejo, CA, where I recently underwent open-heart surgery; the surgeon (an absolute freaking artist) was able to repair my aortic valve when we were expecting to have to replace it. I wore my kilt in to the hospital and 3 days later I wore it back out, only now sporting a 9” incision along with 3 puncture wounds from the drainage tubes.

A few months before the surgery I wore it to St. Francis’ Heart Center in Indianapolis for a whole-heart catheterization and transesophageal echocardiogram, and at both hospitals the staff loved the kilt. In fact, during my stay in cardiac intensive care, the kilt was hung prominently from the TV stand by a hanger because the nurses didn’t want it to get wrinkled in the storage cabinet (more funny was the fact that the surgeon, in the midst of the operation, asked a friend of mine who was observing, “So, why’s he wear a skirt anyway?”)

I’ve also worn my kilts in Ohio (where I ran into 2 fellow-kiltarians), and at the end of the year I’ll be back home on the beach in Honolulu, HI. I’ve got two Original-style kilts right now, but obviously my next kilt will be . . . you guessed it, a Survivor!

Which of the photos you submitted is your favorite and why?:
This one. It was the first time the dressings had been taken off my incision and the drainage tube holes (the three bandage spots below the main cut), I had just taken my first shower in 4 days, and I was allowed to dress in civilian clothes because I was being released from the hospital. This shot, including the haggard look on my face, pretty much sums up the experience.

The pillow is something I have to carry clutched to my chest until my sternum heals (3-4 weeks), and is used to dampen the pain of coughing, sneezing, and laughing. It’s also a way of keeping your arms full so you don’t accidentally use them to do something that might cause spreading of the chest area (very painful!). I love that photo because I’m alive.

The earlier shots are pre-surgery (the American Gothic pose with the pitchfork was on a day I was spreading mulch in brutally hot weather back in Indiana), a shot outside the hospital the day of the surgery, and some shots from the cardiac intensive care unit; it was my mother’s idea to spread the kilt on the bed to show my pride. Her mother was pure Scots—a MacDonald-Stuart—and fiercely proud of it.

Was there a book that changed your life?
A 4th grade science text book, the title of which I’ve long forgotten.

Tell us about it!
The book was a simple text of general science, and had things you could do in the yard or the kitchen to learn about how things worked. There was a colored hand drawing of a scientist in a lab coat with all manner of strange apparatus around him, and for some reason, the moment I saw it I decided to become a scientist. Now I perform development R&D as a chemist, so I’d say that the old adage, “A picture is worth a thousand words,” was never more true.

What is your favorite place to be?
On a dive boat or a beach, especially anywhere in Hawaii.

What is your heart’s desire?
A loaded question, considering what just happened to my heart! But I guess I’d just like to be happy with whatever I have in life—one of the most difficult things to be sometimes, but a recipe for lifetime success.

How do you travel?
Plane, car, boat. I actually wore my kilt onto the plane out to CA (I went through security in shorts and changed in the bathroom—as tedious as security is already, that’s one place where there’s no profit in drawing more attention to yourself!). My primary means of transport is an ’02 Ford Ranger 4×4.

THE QUESTION: What’s under your kilt?
As most kiltarians have done, I’ve got a laundry list of answers for THE QUESTION:

• “The breeze”
• “My shoes”
• “I’m wearing no socks and matching underwear”
• etc…

But my most common answer is, “Traditional Scottish undergarments,” which seems to throw people and stop the inquiry. I do occasionally burst forth with my own Utilikilt motto: “It’s easy to be cool with a breeze on your tool.”

Who would you like to see wearing our kilts?
Mostly my dad! Famous figures I think embody the Utilikilt attitude (and who would look good in one): Samuel L. Jackson, Harrison Ford, Matt Damon.

If we came to your town, where would you take us?
MacNiven’s Scottish pub on Massachusetts Ave. in downtown Indy—a 5-page beer menu and lots of Scottish food (neeps and tats, and even haggis).

What kind of beer are you buying for the first round?
I’ll spring for a round of Belhaven Brewery’s Wee Heavy Scottish Ale and a plate of Scottish eggs (the perfect food—a hard-boiled egg encased in sausage, fried, and dipped into a spiced mayonnaise—your arteries will never be the same).

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